


past, present & future

by dont_rainonme



Category: Howl no Ugoku Shiro | Howl's Moving Castle, Howl's Moving Castle - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Friends to Enemies, Inspired by Studio Ghibli, Minor Violence, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Slow Burn, Studio Ghibli
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:48:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29583306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dont_rainonme/pseuds/dont_rainonme
Summary: after severely injuring yourself with nowhere to go, you turn to an old enemy for help, but things are more complicated than they seem.(originally posted on my tumblr @dont-rainonme, now moved here on ao3 :))
Relationships: Howl Pendragon & You, Howl Pendragon/You
Comments: 7
Kudos: 61





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> the start of something new. the start of a future.
> 
> im excited to be sharing this new story with you all! i hope you enjoy it and maybe you’ll stick around for future updates and other stories :)  
> \- April 6 2020

_run._

that’s all you told yourself.

_**run.** _

your feet moved mechanically, moving at the beat of a thumping drum. hands swung furiously by your sides, perhaps as an attempt to propel yourself forward: forward and away from the thick, blob-like creatures pursuing you in this dark fever dream.

ripples billowed out from under each lunging step, your heart pounding so intensely you felt as if it could explode. your eyes slammed shut as you ran, every gasp of air setting your lungs alight.

you didn’t even know you were falling until the ground gave way below you. tears sprung in the corner of your eyes, realising this was it.

_this is how you’re going to die._

looking up, you watched with blurred vision how the monsters had fallen with you, falling into this unknown abyss. the hole above that you had fallen into grew smaller with every passing second, the resistance from the wind battering your body from every angle.

eyes close. arms hang limp by your side, caving into the stress enforced on them, dangling in front of you as you fell. the noise around you dimmed into a muffled blur.

you breathed your last.

you hit the ground.

**-+-**

you awoke to a slight rocking movement, as if you were on a boat. eyes peeled open, and you found yourself laying on the black floor below you, which warped like the waves of a shadowy ocean. your head pounded angrily inside your skull; you took quite a fall after all.

you sat up, rubbing your temple and eyes, quietly groaning as you muscles pulsated achingly. you just wanted to rest; you could already feel the fatigue pulling your eyes back closed.

but you couldn’t.

a horribly familiar hiss came from behind you, the hairs on the back of your neck raising. you whipped around, gasping as one of the blob monsters lunged at you.

your fell flat on your back, your head rattling painfully, as you struggled against the creature. it reached out to you with its claws, bearing teeth and spitting drool across your bruised face. your arms violently shook under the pain as you tried forcing it off you, giving a strangled cry as it swiped at you, three deep gashes carved into your face.

desperate, weak and injured, you used your remaining amount of strength left to drive the monster off you. you stumbled to your feet, your legs rapidly gaining the momentum as you broke into a scattered run again. you glanced behind you, your breath catching in your throat as you watched the monsters drop from the hole above onto a pile below. recovering quickly, they spied you, pursuing you with more energy and speed than you ever had.

you pushed forward, feeling your eyes burn from the tears erupting from within. in the distance, you heard noise, something that wasn’t the snarl of the monsters, but almost a creaking, mechanical one.

and there you saw it, towering impressively. a large, mismatched castle not too far away. it shifted forwards slowly on thin metallic legs, chimneys billowing smoke, and pipes bulging from the steam building up. an entrance hung from the belly of the moving castle - an opportunity which you were determined to take.

fuelled by this new hope, you forced your body to push forward, your legs burning. as the door neared, you stretched out a hand, calloused fingers gripping tightly against cool metal and hoisting yourself up onto the steps. your fists pounded ardently against the wooden door.

 _no response_.

your breathing quivered, the hope you had draining from you just like that. you knocked again, this time with so much force you felt as if you could break the door itself.

 _ **no response**_.

the monsters were catching up, mouths splitting into an unsettling grin with the morbid realisation that you were trapped. you hands flew to the handle, violently shaking it to try and force open the door, but it was locked. you punched it in frustration.

a sharp pain shot through your leg, as another burst followed in your forearm and neck. your cried out, your hands shaking as they gingerly brushed over the cavernous wounds the monsters had inflicted, regretting it immediately as they stung even with the slightest touch.

you collapsed in front of the door, too tired to even cry.

“please…” you whispered, throat burning and chords wrung tight. you tried knocking again, but lifting an arm alone drained you of any depleting life left inside, “let me in.”

the monsters panted excitedly, knowing they had you in their reach. claws reached towards your bleeding body, eager to snatch the life out of you.

but the door opens, your name is called and a force drags you inside.


	2. rain, black and blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you arrive on a doorstep severely injured, igniting the start of a reconnection between two old enemies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentioning of blood + injuries
> 
> i’m still in the midst of my howl’s moving castle obsession, so enjoy the first chapter! hope you enjoy <3  
> \- april 8 2020

the sky was dark and raining the night you arrived: the first sign that something was wrong. it hardly rained.

the second sign was when the dial by the door suddenly switched to the black quarter of the circle - a door only accessible by the wizard himself.

a sharp rap was clear throughout the entire house, slicing through the minimal sound of the rain lashing outside. all heads lifted towards the wooden door, howl in particular wearing a frowned expression. it was far too late for any customers, though he sensed a lost, yet familiar, aura from outside. the door rattled violently from another round of knocks.

“who could it be?” sophie asked in a hushed whisper, looking up from her book. she glanced at howl, his eyes narrowed with growing suspicion as he stared at the door intently.

the thumping came again, this time more firmer, more urgent, but the wizard took notice in the rapid weakening of the noise, listening until it was reduced to merely a quiet scratching against the wood.

he stood up suddenly, approaching the door with a blank expression on his face, standing in a silence that hung a tension in the air. he promptly switched the dial to the green sector - leading to the wastes - and began to make his way back to his chair, when he heard a click from behind him. the dial turned black again.

blinking, the action alone has him taken aback, a startled expression cracking through for the briefest of moments, before he promptly recomposed himself. he turned the knob again, ensuring that it was green, only to watch it flick instantly back to black.

“it’s not letting me switch it.”

it’s a simple, yet increasingly problematic, observation, one that has even howl feeling unsure of himself, because for once, he genuinely doesn’t know how to approach this.

“what are you going to do?” calcifer asked, both curious and restless. the wizard sighs.

“open it and see what it wants.”

whoever he expected outside was nothing compared to what he saw. swinging the door with an air of confidence, his face dropped immediately. a gasp sounded behind him, coming from the flame who was in an equal state of shock as the sorcerer himself.

“is that-“

“(y/n)!”

he hadn’t said that name in years, but the past was the least of his worries; the present was his main concern, as your bruised, bleeding body slumped onto the floor by his feet, unconcious. he staggered back in shock at the sight of a thick layer of red growing steadily across the wooden surface.

“howl watch out!”

sophie’s warning is the only one he gets as the sharp, rapid sound of scampering diverted his attention. his head snapped up, eyes widening as half a dozen of eerily familiar black monsters scuttled towards the door. using his magic, he’s quick to move your body across the threshold and onto the table sophie was hastily clearing, using his spare hand to force the door shut.

“sophie!” howl yelled behind him, “apply pressure to the wounds!”

the clotted monsters forced their way through every possible crevice and gap in and between the door. hissing greedily at this new obstacle placed between them and their prey, they squirmed impatiently, wrapping themselves around the wizard’s right wrist as leverage.

pain. that’s all he could feel. pain, as the monsters tightened their grip, skin steaming as it burned. but now was not the time to give up, nor run or collapse. if he gave in, they would enter and destroy everything he had dedicated his life to protect.

gritting his teeth, he struggled against the monsters incessant attempts, releasing a heavy breath as he secured his grip and switched the dial; the wheel turned back to green - back into the wastes, where they were safe. his hands hovered over the dial, in case it switched again, exhaling loudly when the door stilled and the silence took over once more.

but he couldn’t rest yet.

howl stood up, panting heavily as he approached the still body that laid on the table beside calcifer. multiple rags and tissues stained red sat scattered across the wooden surface.

“she was lucky you were quick enough,” sophie said quietly, rinsing her hands clean, “she’s lost a lot of blood.”

“but she’s alive?”

“she’s alive.”

howl sighed, closing his eyes. the pain still hadn’t subsided, as he wrung his wrist tightly with his left. a mark had scorched itself into his skin: a symbol of some sorts. he didn’t like the ugly feeling he felt; he was all too familiar with this line of magic.

“are you hurt?”

his eyes opened to see sophie looking at him, a concerned expression straining her usually relaxed features. he gave a shrug, one that has her scowling.

“just a mark. i’ll figure out how to get rid of it.”

“she has a mark on her neck too.”

that caught his attention. he made his way towards your body, gently brushing your hair out of the way to reveal an identical mark burned into your skin. his slender fingers brushed over it, but he quickly pulled them back. he watched as the marks on both your neck and his wrist began to glow, igniting that same painful sensation. he could practically feel the power of the magic pulsating off them like heartbeats.

a flash of pain stirred your senses, eliciting a sharp, but quiet, exhale. your head swam in and out of consciousness, mind hazy at the sudden calm you were surrounded with. you could feel your skull pound with every thump of the heart, your body overwhelmed with so many amplified sensations. noises went through one ear and out the other, blurry outlines being all you could see; the glow of a fire and a simple blue dress.

and just as you fell back into the darkness again, you saw a face you’d been meaning to forget.

**howl’s.**


	3. the weight of a grudge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you start to see the true intention behind howl’s actions, as the past and future merge together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a relatively short chapter, and it’s kind of a filler? kind of not? but this is where everything truly starts to kick off, enjoy!  
> \- april 14 2020

you felt like you could sleep forever.

your eyes fluttered open as gentle as the light tinkling sound above your head, feeling surprisingly refreshed. blinking slowly like a cat, you shifted under the comforting bedsheets in a satisfying strech, feeling the dull, aching pull of muscles.

as your eyes focused on an unfamiliar room. you gave a small gasp of awe at what you saw; the room was incredibly ornate, every inch of the wooden walls plastered in papers with ancient marks of sorcery and all sorts of trinkets. the refreshing, exotic aroma of herbs and incense diffused into the air as a sweet haze. crystals that fractured the light hung from the ceiling, giving off an aura that made you feel safe for some reason.

you slipped out of the bed, stretching your body once again, wincing as your limbs sorely thrummed with more sting than it had before. it’s only then you roll down the sleeves of the baggy clothing you had been dressed in, taking in the multiple bandages and gauzes wrapped around your skin.

you felt as if you had slept for days, your physical body lagging behind your restless mind. your thoughts were like a murky backwash, partial memories swimming in and out, echoes of the previous days being mere snippets that you had to piece together.

_darkness._

_suliman_.

 _monsters_.

 _blood_.

 ** _howl_**.

your muscles went rigid, the hairs on the back of your neck rising slowly in anticipation. an uneasy sensation squirmed in your stomach, as if the mere memory of a fading face could make you vomit.

 _ **howl**_.

you gave a breathy laugh. this couldn’t be real, could it? after all, you had both set out for seperate paths all those years ago.

“ah, you’re awake now.”

anger flares within.

you reacted immediately, lunging at the voice, the voice that had last comforted you all those years ago, the voice that had made you feel safe, only for it to leave you falling back into the darkness.

your hand wrapped around his neck, the room shaking from the force of impact, as he slammed against the wall. you raised your other hand, feeling the magic surge through every nerve and sinew with the itching urge to send it blasting into his face. flicking his long, raven hair out of his face, a pair of strikingly blue eyes stared up at you.

“it’s good to see you too,” howl said cooly, as if he wasn’t pinned against the wall in his own room. you narrowed your eyes, opening your mouth to speak, but a burst of power forced you off. you spun across the room, hitting the opposite wall with a painful _bang!_ as a hand wrapped around your own neck.

_shit._

“that’s quite a curse you’re under,” he muttered, brows furrowing as he focused on the area of skin below your jaw. he loosened his grip on your neck, your chest deflating from the relief, though you dared yourself to glare at him with scrutinising eyes. his own were narrowed, clearly reflecting his busy mind and looking at something you couldn’t quite see, as he raised a finger that lightly worked it’s way down your neck.

a sudden burst of pain shot through your nerves like electricity. gasping, you kicked howl’s stomach, driving him off and sending him skidding across the room. you watched him merely flinch, his right arm tensing up.

“what did you do to me?” you breathed out raggedly, hunching over and rubbing the pulsating spot on your neck. your shaking fingers skimmed over the engraved grooves in your skin, feeling the outline of some sort of symbol.

“nothing,” he said innocently, holding up his wrist to show the same, identical symbol branded into it, “i’m merely offering a bed and a place to stay, whilst you hide from sulliman’s henchmen.”

you froze, rising up slowly. your eye flashed dangerously in the lamp light.

“how do you know that?”

“i’m a wizard, starlight. i can see right through you.”

your fists clenched. you turned your back to him.

“don’t call me that.”

he crossed his arms, sitting down and leaning back on his chair with a bemused smile.

“still hung up about the past?”

you turned around to face him, face set in stone.

“i don’t think i can ever forget it.”

the crystals above your head chimed again, howl’s expression hardening. he stood up, hovering his palm below the gem, which spun around frantically.

“suliman’s trying to look for you again. i’ve had to put these runes and protection charms up again so she doesn’t find us.”

“why?” you asked almost demandingly. howl looked up at you, his face illuminated by the crystal’s technicolour glow.

“what do you mean?”

“why are you doing this? why are you helping me?”

he paused, before his face lightened with a smile. he gave a sincere nod, “an apology, if you wish to call it that. for what i couldn’t do before,” he swallowed heavily, “you know what i mean.”

of course you did. how could you ever forget?

 _rescue_.

 _betrayal_.

 ** _falling_**.

you didn’t expect _that_ to be the answer. amused by your reaction, howl stood up, his body halfway through the doorframe before he added:

“come down whenever you’re ready. i still need to introduce you to the others.”

and he closed the door.

the crystals tinkled again. you peered into the translucent gem skeptically, inhaling sharply when a recognisable face formed, ice-like eyes staring coldly at you.

 _suliman_.

you turned away stiffly, forcing the shivers back down your spine, swinging the door open, and pacing breathlessly down the stairs.

for once in your life, you were thankful for howl.


	4. in the eyes of a stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> betrayal is a hurtful thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: falling + injuries like breaking bones 
> 
> this has been one of my favourite chapters to write so far! this just goes into your and howl’s history in far more depth, and it’s one of the more longer chapters, so i hope you all enjoy it! <3  
> \- april 23 2020

_a few years prior…_

the both of you were sixteen - an age where chaos and recklessness thrived within your very souls. sorcery and chaos were a powerful mix, powerful but destructive. not just to the physical attributes of the world, but to the spirit, the soul, the heart and the mind.

what it also destroyed was your friendship with howl.

howl was always an ambitious boy, excelling in the art of witchcraft under the guide of madam suliman, who you also served as an apprentice for. his raw talent and your wit and intelligence naturally brought the two of you closer as friends, and it wasn’t long before the two of you gained the reputation as sulliman’s two best students.

you revealed secrets you didn’t know you had, you studied together, you talked together, you trained together. you knew his strengths and weaknesses, and he knew yours.

what you didn’t expect was for him to use them against you.

it started off with minor alterations, including him dying his long, black hair a stark shade of blonde. he began wearing more suave clothing, dressing in colourful capes and jewellery that practically _begged_ people to notice him; this wasn’t the howl you knew. you knew him as the reserved, yet studious boy who you used to study with in his little mill house. as an apprentice, he sauntered around the palace under a tepid, mysterious guise, acting with an air of newfound confidence you hadn’t seen him with before.

you knew you should’ve been happy with him, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to do so, not when that whilst his ego was growing, your relationship was crumbling.

hours of talking became brief nods of acknowledgement in the hallways, laughter became silence, and friendships turned into rivalries.

altercations broke out. you grew angry with the stranger who was once one of your closest friends, unable to accept the new, cold and harsh behaviour he adopted. howl moved on quickly, abandoning his apprenticeship and disappearing suddenly. you weren’t going to let him leave so easily, however, and so you quit the apprenticeship yourself, pursuing howl with a burning determination.

you lost.

it hurt you more than you expected it to. you were so confident that you could get him back, that you could get your best friend back, but you lost. perhaps it was the fact that howl attacked you without a hint of hesitation that put you in a state of shock that prevented you from fighting back in time.

the nightmare didn’t end you soon realised, adding to the growing _hatred_ that was simmering. after your miserable defeat, howl turned you in to suliman herself, leaving your bruised, battered and bleeding body outside the castle walls. though it was close enough so that the guards could spot it and bring you back in.

and then he left. just like that, he abandoned you, leaping into the sky and gliding away in his bird-like form before anyone could spot him.

suliman was _furious_. she had lost two of her best apprentices in a single night, with one who had quit the course completely, and the other who tried to follow the same route. and so she punished you, making sure she didn’t make the same mistake to you, as she did to howl.

she forced you to follow a strict timetable: a dull, repetitive routine of studying in one of the palace’s towers. you were essentially a prisoner, locked in the same room for the rest of your days, reading the same line over and over, reading the same line over and over, reading the same line over and over and over and over again, from the stack of textbooks you were given.

this went on for two months. suliman used the excuse that this was for your own good, that you would grow up to become a powerful and respected sorceress, but you knew inside that she was _bitter_. behind that anodyne smile, there was no masking the loathing she felt towards you and howl. she resented the both of you the day you made the decision to quit. it just so happened that only you had to pay the consequences for it.

“howl is a dangerous boy,” she warned you one particular night from the doorway of the room you were kept in, “he wields far too much power for a monster without a heart, and it won’t be long until he plagues your own soul with his dark magic.”

and she closed the door and left, leaving you to roll your eyes and silently mock her. irritation faded into boredom, which had you slamming your quill down and slumped onto the desk. with head in arms and work abandoned, your mind wandered elsewhere. a heavy sigh came from above you.

“she _really_ isn’t a big fan of me.”

you head snapped up painfully, but the pain was the least of your worries. you knew _exactly_ who that voice belonged to.

“howl,” his name rolled off your tongue as naturally as if he had never left, a warm feeling of excitement and shock spreading through your body. and there he stood, standing in the open window frame, leaning casually against it and smiling softly at you. he looked the same you had last seen him, still in that pretentious outfit you secretly wanted to burn, but there was a familiar glint of kindness you saw in his eyes.

“how-“ you began, but howl lightly shushed you, pressing a finger to his lips. you nodded, eyeing the door, aware of the risk that suliman could walk in again at any minute.

he held a hand towards you, which you took and he pulled you up onto the desk and onto the window sill where you both stood.

“what are you doing here?” you asked quietly, looking up at the vast outstretch of cloud and sky. when had he even come? and more importantly _why_?

“i’m getting you out of here, starlight,” he said, the nickname warming you inside, “i promise.”

your face lit up, the frown that you recently decided to wear breaking into a smile. you managed to squeak out a small “really?”, to which howl nodded.

“we have one chance,” he quietly said in a low voice, “the guards’ll see us immediately the minute we step off, so we need to be quick.”

he realises a heavy sigh, breath twirling in the air as a condensed mist. he looks at you, and there’s no mistaking the softening in his expression, whilst his eyes tell another story. amongst the deep-shaded flecks of blue in them, emotions you can’t quite interpret swirl intensely inside and you know there’s something that howl wants to say. but he clearly thinks better of it, giving his head a subtle shake and holding his tongue before focusing on the situation at hand.

grazing downwards to where the guards stood, his grip on your hand tightens, giving you one last look.

“you ready?”

you nod. his arm slips from your hand to around your waist, securing you close to his chest. the first of those fine, black feathers spring out from under his skin, spreading up his arms, as the one foot follows the other.

you‘re falling, the air whistling loudly in your ears, and all of a sudden you were rising, rising into the cool of the night, and the sudden shift has you feeling so alive. your heart thumps heavily from the sudden adrenaline, giddy with the realisation that you had finally left that tower, that you had _finally_ left sulliman.

a pair of wide, raven wings unfold from howls back, feathers of the same raven shade creeping up his neck and arms. you rose steadily into the night sky, peering down below you at the shrinking palace that you were more than glad to part, along with the series of bittersweet memories it held.

something else hordes your attention when your eyes hone in on multiple shining spots racing up towards the both of you.

_arrows_.

you inhaled sharply, twisting in his grip to face him.

“howl they’re shooting at us!”

he tenses for the briefest of seconds, before trailing your stare that has him sighing.

“whoops,” he said idly, “guess they caught on. hang on.”

and without any warning, he sharply turned, narrowly missing the arrows that barely skimmed past you both. releasing the breath you held, you kept an eye on the ground, not liking the sense of foreboding that arose from the initial attack.

but suliman was insistent, the plethora of attacks coming in at an overwhelming rate. you spot them, small but swift, flying up towards you and reaching your speed - suliman’s henchmen. they were small, but stocky, flying speedily up towards you with their wings flapping like a hummingbird’s and teeth bared like a hunting animal. you sneered, the little hats on their heads making no difference in their terrifying appearance.

your dislike is obvious with an audible huff. you raise a hand, aiming at the group of them and ready shoot with your magic, when howl gently pushed it down with his own. you clip around instantly to regard him.

“don’t attack,” he murmurs quietly in your ear, “it’s what suliman wants. she wants more of an excuse to hate you.”

“you better have a plan on what we’re going to do,” you answered, “otherwise suliman’s going to be at our throats if she catches us.”

“our plans right above us,” he replied casually, your heading lifting to follow his.

the blanket of clouds that covered the sky had parted in a small section, creating a circular entrance into a clear sky. once you flew through that, you’d be free, and it seemed as if howl had realised this himself, wings beating against the air strenuously.

something digs into your ankle, eliciting a strangled cry that garbles up your throat. your head flings down, eyes widened in horror at the sight of one of the henchmen latched onto your legs, trying to force you out of howl’s grip.

“howl!” you yelped, kicking your legs to scrape the monster off, or at the very least, loosen it’s hold, “howl! they’re here.”

he spares a glance, his face souring instantly and the faintest scoff released, as he pushed the pair of you upwards. you can feel yourself sliding out of his clutch, your breathing spiked and panicked as your hands desperately clawed onto howl’s forearm to stay on.

but all it takes is a particularly strong yank from one of the henchmen, and you were falling, tumbling, spinning through the air, your arms desperately reaching out to grab _anything_ to slow you down.

“howl!” you scream, his name abrasive against your constricted throat, that has it sore. you watched as his figure quickly shrinking with every passing second, with every length that you dropped closer to the ground.

but it was as if time itself had slowed. you _know_ he can see you, you _know_ his eyes lock with yours, but that’s just what makes it hurt even more when you watch him fly past the clouded threshold without you.

he ditched you _again_.

time sped up and you were racing through the sky once again. your stomach churns, you want to be sick. your heart _physically hurts._ you had never felt so _betrayed_.

_betrayal_.

that’s what it was. howl _betrayed_ you. he betrayed the promise. he betrayed you to save his own skin.

you let out a distressed cry that echoes across the strech of night, evoking empty chills across your body, which falls limp in defeat. you curl into yourself, a trembling hand fisting the clothing that sat atop where a beating heart should be.

_god, it hurt so much._

you closed your eyes, slamming into the ground. you heard your bones crack, you felt the pain explode in your head, in your chest, in your arms, but it was nothing compared to the emotional hurt you felt.

eyes peel open reluctantly from weakness and fatigue, snatching glimpses of suliman’s seething expression and the huddle of henchmen surrounding you. none of that matters though. you can only focus on that small gap in the clouds, which broken, heavy arms attempt to reach up to, but inevitably collapse pathetically by your side. you didn’t think you had enough energy to even cry.

using the diminishing amount of physical energy and magic left within your system, you summoned a portal below you, which swallowed you up instantly. you didn’t pay attention to suliman’s scream, or the fact that the henchmen were following you into the abyss you teleported yourself into. your mind only replayed that moment when howl left you for good.

th _at was cruel_ howl, you screamed in a silent curse, _that was so cruel._

the world went black.


	5. the fire speaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> feelings are confusing. especially if they’re about howl.

you’re confused more than anything when you’re introduced to the peculiar family howl had adopted himself into.

you sit at the table quietly, howl introducing you to the others, before he turned away, helping the girl, who you remembered as sophie, to cook in the fireplace where calcifer sat. the air is surprisingly light and intimate.

the mix of idle chat (ignoring calcifer shamelessly complaining about another insignificant problem) and the sound and smell of cooking food giving the place a more homely feel, that you slipped all too easily into.

a bowl of steaming soup along with a roll of bread was pushed in your direction. you looked up to find the young boy, who you were introduced to as howl’s apprentice, markl, and the witch of the waste staring at you curiously.

thanking them, you rested your head on a propped up arm, the other raised which you lazily twirled it around with a pointed finger. as you watched the soup in the untouched bowl part with your movements,the spoon laid by the side, neglected.

it wasn’t as if you didn’t _like_ the soup, it was the complete opposite actually; sophie’s cooking was some of the best you had eaten in a while, giving a comfort you hadn’t realised you had wanted for a while.

“are you a witch?”

the question has you looking up, and you’re startled by the mop of thick, ginger hair in your face. the warping blob of soup you had suspended in the air using your magic drops back into your bowl, sending it splashing everywhere. tissues are passed over, your face flushed red.

apologising hastily, you wipe the stains off, feeling ever so slightly uncomfortable when you felt a stare burn determinedly into your back. you sat up, met with the a face staring at you with earnest eyes.

markl fisher, if you recalled carefully. serving under howl as an apprentice, he was a relatively untroubled boy, who liked to _cause_ trouble, which calcifer often fell victim to. but trouble aside, you saw potential in this boy, and perhaps he reminded you every now and again of how you used to be: young, starry-eyed and happy.

“are. you. a. witch?” he asks again slowly, pointing to the soup in the bowl at every syllable.

taken aback slightly, you blinked.

“i suppose i am?”

they were certainly a mismatched group of people, and whilst they were welcoming nonetheless, one edition of the family has you raising a brow and thinning your lips.

“such pretty hair…” she marvels to no one in particular, hobbling over to you, “such a pretty witch.”

the witch of the waste. initially you had your suspicions about her when howl first introduced you to her, and rightfully so when past memories arose of whispers about the same witch delicately plaiting your hair by your side.

you remember the hushed rumours spreaded out of fear about the onslaught of damage she could wreck upon towns so easily with her power. a force to be reckoned with, and a curse to those who were unlucky enough to encounter her.

what you _also_ remember was how she and howl were supposedly enemies. yet here she was inside his own house, interacting so innocently with you like any other elderly lady would, that you wouldn’t have known it was the witch had howl never told you.

“ah, leave (y/n) alone,” the wizard calls light-heartedly over his shoulder, “she’s much too polite to ever ask you to stop.”

the witch gives a little huff, unravelling her handy work and giving you a pat on the shoulder before shuffling back over to her seat. you force yet another pleasant smile, eyes diverted downwards, as you finally forced yourself to pick up your spoon and eat.

“you better not spill any of that again,” you heard calcifer sniff from your side, “i worked hard on my part to make that you know.”

his snarky remark has you sighing, your fingers flexing as you used your magic to lift up small droplets of the soup, flicking it over so that they sprayed at the fire. you fail to suppress a smirk at the flame’s yelp, as he waved his arms frantically around the dampened spots in the fireplace. no one paid attention to calcifer’s protests. apparently complaining was a common thing here.

“i’m being bullied! bullied i tell you!” he yelled in an outburst, wafting his hands accusingly at you. markl smirks. you roll your eyes, “just because _howl_ has a liking for you doesn’t mean you can suddenly treat me how you want!”

you almost choke, sucking in your breath quietly, as your head dipped down to hide your reaction.

_what?_

you shook your head slightly, feeling your face tighten as your eyes squeezed shut.

_you’re being stupid_! you repeated firmly, mentally slapping yourself, _he doesn’t mean it like that. you’re just overlooking it._

if howl even reacted to what calcifer said, he hid it incredibly well. apart from yourself, no one seemed to had noticed how his arm had tensed up, scraping the pan aggressively over calcifer. shooting him a warning glare, his face hardened before flickering back to a more neutral expression. perhaps he was thinking the same thing: it was just calcifer seeing something more than it actually was.

“you always loved bullying calcifer whenever you got the chance,” howl said, bringing the pan of food to the table, and sitting down himself, “remember in the mill house we’d always make calcifer do those tricks for us with his magic?”

you give a hum, partially distracted by the seething flame side-eyeing you. demon or not, there was always some satisfaction you gained from teasing him.

“yeah, yeah, no need to thank me,” calcifer grumbled stiffly, “doing those tricks always tired me out afterwards. nothing like being exploited on the daily.”

you were _highly_ tempted to dump your bowl on him.

“you two know each other?” markl asked, entering the conversation. he leaned back on his chair, raising an eyebrow intrigued.

“of course,” howl replied with such certainty as if it was the most obvious answer, “we’ve been friends for years.”

he looked up, eyes meeting yours as if to search for some form of confirmation.

_friends_?

you almost scoffed out loud, mood souring instantly.

_unbelievable_.

you looked at the man across you, watching him laugh, smile and get along so easily with the people around him. when had he changed from the quiet, erudite boy to the self-centred, distant apprenticeship-abandoning man to _this_? and _how_ in such a short amount of time? the last time _you_ had seen him was only a few months ago.

but you wanted to believe that in those few months he changed, you wanted to forgive him for before, and all he had done for you in the past few days gave you a good reason to do so.

so why did you feel so angry?

you wanted to move on. you genuinely did. but you were angry and just something about him _irked_ you. you were angry at these conflicting feelings of nostalgia, anger and sadness, you were angry at yourself for being so stubborn, for being so unforgiving and confusing, and you were angry at howl and the past.

you tried to be happy for him; he had managed to settle down, surround himself with the right people and there was a level of maturity you hadn’t seen in him before. but to challenge that, was a sick, spiteful feeling twisting your stomach.

_jealousy_? was that it?

it hit you just like that.

were you instead jealous of howl’s ability to move on? or jealous of how much he had managed to achieved in such little time, whilst you couldn’t even support yourself?

whatever it was, you knew that you couldn’t stay for long.

you stood up from your chair, more abruptly than you intended to, which has conversations ceasing and attention pulled your way.

“thank you for your hospitality,” you said quietly, forcing shaking arms to steady, “but i won’t be bothering any of you for much longer.”

you turned away swiftly, keeping your head up high to maintain a confidence you didn’t quite feel. you kept your back to the table as you swung your cape on. but as your hands barely even hovered over the door handle, you felt that same pain strike up your neck.

hissing quietly, your hands flew to the mark, rubbing the sore, inflamed skin around it. an array of hands helped you up, with sophie sliding in front of you.

“you can’t leave so soon!” she exclaims, blocking the door and studying your wounded form, “your injuries still haven’t properly healed.”

you paused, gritting your teeth because you knew she was right. if you went back out there so soon, the monsters would tear you apart, over and over, again and again. you didn’t stand a chance with them before, nor now, especially in such a state.

“oh she’ll be fine,” the witch of the waste said, nudging your side and winking, “her bravery alone will let her live.”

sophie shot her a look. the witch merely shrugs.

“just a few more days,” markl suggested from the top of the stairs, “heen seems to have taken a liking to you anyway.”

and just on cue, the dog who was sleeping when you were first introduced to him, pawed at your ankles, looking up at you with beady eyes. they really weren’t going to let you go so easily.

“fine,” you heaved out, “i’ll stay.”

sophie released a breath of relief. markl grinned picking up heen, whilst the witch of the waste merely tutted and hobbled away with a flicker of a smile.

you force a smile, which in actuality resembled more of a grimace, as you looked up, the expression disappearing instantly.

howl had left his chair, standing at the top of the stairs and the bare sight of him setting your nerves alight. your stares meet, and at this point, you’re silently daring him to look away.

you move to leave, steps heavy as you brush harshly against his shoulder, unafraid to shoot a look that challenged him to criticise you.

but he says nothing, eyes burning into your retreating back and instead impulsively slapping a hand down to grip your shoulder.

the words are there, balancing on the tip of his tongue and all he has to do is say them. but the scathing look of absolute hurt you give him has him recoiling back, and you slip away from his grasp all too easily.

you kept walking.“what happened between you and howl?”

**-+-**

you sat on the bed, leaning against the wall, as sophie paced around the room, redoing your bandages and cleansing your wounds. the question came out of nowhere - the pair of you had been in a comfortable silence before she said it.

“what happened?” you repeated, feeling your injuries sting as they were cleaned. you paused, giving a pleasant smile, “nothing. nothing happened.”

giving an impartial hum, she finishes wrapping the gauze around your arm, tidying it up with a neat bow that she tucks underneath. a simple gesture, but you appreciate it.

“did he hurt you?”

your eyes met hers, something of a motherly warmth pooling in them. it was a genuine question, just a question you didn’t expect. you sighed, something you found yourself doing a lot recently.

“it’s complicated,” you said blankly, hating how vague of an answer that was, and how it had unintentionally drifted away from the question.

“your eyes alone tell me yes,” she said thoughtfully, catching you off guard at how observant she was. opening your mouth, you feel as if you owe an explanation, but sophie prompts cuts you off, pressing a wad of soaked cotton against a shallow cut on your head that has you wincing.

“you don’t need to tell me anything,” she reassures you, tidying up the medical equipment spread across the bedsheets, “just… please be gentle with him. whatever happened between you two, i can tell that he’s trying.“

and as she closed the door behind you, you wanted to believe what she said.

you just needed to work out how you were feeling first.


	6. into the void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> being scared makes you do reckless things.

you couldn’t sleep.

you slipped silently out of bed and out the room, stretching as you snuck down the stairs. yawning, you quietly filled a small pot above the fireplace with water, collapsing into an armchair as you waited for it to boil so that you could make some tea.

the night had properly settled in. calcifer had settled himself comfortably in a nook of burning embers as he peacefully slept in a moment of rare quietude. for once, this was the first time you and him had been in the same room without managing to argue.

you closed your eyes, lazing in the enveloping warmth that hugged you as you savoured the calm you had been waiting to feel for a while.

it had been a week since you first arrived, and you had settled in surprisingly well. life at the moving castle was more quaint and simple than you expected, and you found yourself helping around the house, a lifestyle which you took an immediate eagerness to. markl naturally took advantage of this and didn’t hesitate at all to offer you to do his part of laundry; you just made him promise to give you part of his portion of food when it came to dinner.

the sound of the floorboards creaked throughout the walls, weakly stirring you awake.

you didn’t look back to see who it was, for you were in a much too comfortable position to bother to move. shuffling in the chair to a more comfortable position, you assumed it was heen just coming downstairs from markl’s room.

you hated how your face fell slightly when you saw him.

“couldn’t sleep?” howl asked in a low voice, sliding into the armchair beside you.

you swallowed heavily, purposely averting your eyes in his direction. this was the first time you had spoken to him in a while, alone and uninterrupted.

“something like that.”

he pushed a warm cup into your hand from across the table between your two seats.

“have some tea.”

you studied the dozing fire carefully over the rim of your mug, feeling the tea burn your throat. you didn’t mind that.

“to be fair,“ you said, forcing a conversation, “this was my cup to begin with.”

“i know,” he replied simply, “you look like you need it anyway.”

this current brush with howl had woken you up completely, afraid that one wrong move or word would ruin it all. there was so much you wanted to say, and without even glancing at him, you could tell howl did too; the tension spoke for itself.

“what’s going on?” he asked rather exasperated, braving himself to speak after a particularly long silence.

“what do you mean?”

he jolts around in his chair, leaning on the armrest so that he could face you. you didn’t look back.

“(y/n), you arrive outside my doorstep half-alive, you try leaving a day after, and for the past few days, you’ve got this vacant look on your face, like you’re completely out of it.”

he looked over, expecting a response. you didn’t give him anything.

“you can read people well,” you vaguely remarked. you took another sip, “so can sophie.”

“i don’t need magic to realise something’s wrong,” howl retaliated, before adding, “you make yourself easy to read.”

you didn’t respond, merely scowling which howl could just see under the dim glow of the night. he wants to press on, but it’s you who cuts him off.

“what is it that you want?” you asked passively, although you felt your own grip on cup tighten. you swore you could’ve shattered the delicate porcelain had howl’s voice never snapped you out of it.

“everything,” he said simply, “tell me everything from the very beginning.”

you hesitated for a moment, but steeped yourself immediately. if you were going to settle things here with him, you might as well do it now.

“i remember falling,” you said quietly, tracing over the rim of your cup with a finger, “falling through the sky, and onto the ground. sulliman was there, along with her henchmen and there was just so much pain. before i could even process anything, just like that i was falling again. and everything just went dark.”

you glanced over at howl, eyes meeting, which has you staring hurriedly back into your mug.

“when i woke up, i didn’t know where i was. somehow all the injuries i sustained from before were completely healed, but everywhere around me was just this… shadowy darkness. i couldn’t really distinguish anything, but i could feel the magic coming off from that place. it was so powerful that i could feel it everywhere, even in me.”

“and then sulliman’s monsters appeared. they’d chase me again and again, and catch me, again and again every single time. but every time i died, i’d wake up in the same spot, see the same things, and do the same things again. it was this whole cycle of fear and running, and after a while, i realised this was my punishment. sulliman had cursed me to this dimension and she had stuck me into this time loop i couldn’t break. and i realised the only way i could get out of it was to tell her where you went.”

“i’m guessing you didn’t say anything.”

“because i didn’t know anything,” you said, suddenly defensive, swallowing awkwardly afterwards, “and so I was stuck there forever in that time loop, just running away until I confessed. until I saw your castle. it appeared out of nowhere and it was the first change i saw in ages. but i dont know how, or why it appeared. it just did. and now i’m here.”

silence. howl slid off the armrest, slumping back against the thick padded backing of the chair. you saw his silhouette rub his temple tiredly.

then:

“that’s it?” he sounded so defeated.

“that’s it,” you said carefully, sliding the empty cup across the table towards him. neither of you could look at each other in the eye. you had said the truth, you had given him what he wanted, so why did you feel so much worse than before you had done so?

he edges the cup towards you. you pushed it back to him, freezing when you felt his hand against yours. it was warm, soft, but it sent nothing but chills up your body. he tenses up himself in the corner of your eye, fingers jerking back towards his own body. awkwardly, you hesitated and brought your hands back down to your lap.

“why did you come back that night?”

it’s quiet, no louder than a mere whisper, but howl catches it clearly, taken aback.

“i changed-”

“bullshit,” you interrupt in such a bitter manner that it has howl flinching back, “i gave you the truth and now it’s time for you to do the same.”

a part of you knows it’s unfair to corner him like this, demanding for an answer he’s unlikely willing to give. but you were angry, (and rightfully so, you added as an afterthought), angry for what he had done to you without a second thought, and well… in the end, everyone always reaps what they had sown.

“fine then,” he gives in, “you want the truth?”

“i do. now tell me, why did you come back?”

“because i love you.”

your head jerks up, and you knew from his eyes that he was serious. he said it so bluntly, so simply - howl was never this direct.

numb, his words echoed inside your head, crashing into every other thought until what he said was the only thing you could hear. and as you listened to this repeated chant, you realised what he really said.

love. not loved, but _love_.

_oh shit._

“thank you for the tea,” you said quietly, shoving the cup rather harshly onto his side and shooting up from your chair.

“(y/n)…?” howl began uncertainly. standing up himself, he traced your steps to hover behind you, a hand ghosting over your shoulder. but before he can even slap it down, you’re suddenly shooting under his arm and up the stairs, ignorant to how your name is called from behind you and the set of footsteps hot on your heels.

you swiftly ran into your room, using your magic to drag the furniture against the door. dropping to your knees, you reached under your bed, pulling out a bag you had hid with basic supplies in them for whenever you needed to leave quickly; now was _definitely_ one of those times.

“(y/n)!”

the door rattles under thudding fists from the outside, slowly inching open with each strike. yanking the bag on, you slid the furniture out of the way, the door flying open freely as howl stumbled inside. you lunged towards the door, but howl was quicker, caving in on you with his body.

“what,” he breathed, “what the hell are you doing?”

“leaving.”

and you shoved past him under the gap in his arm, summoning your shoes from beside the door onto your feet. you hurried down the hallway, yanking down the handle of the door leading to one of the balconies hanging off the castle. howl’s rapid footsteps followed behind you.

you swung the door open, immediately met with the eerily familiar gust of the shadow realm. you looked over the balcony, impatiently swatting your hair out your face to view the gaping murk below - a quick analysis made you conclude you had survived larger drops.

you swung a leg over the railings, shivering slightly from the intoxicating concoction of the chill and adrenaline. looking down, your stomach churns as you felt an invisible force sucking you down under, which would swallow you whole once you committed yourself to the jump.

a hand hooks the under of your collar, yanking you back over the rails. losing your balance, you land on your back, head colliding against wood which knocks you for spins. blinking away the stars rapidly, your heart plummeted, even if you knew who it was.

howl.

he was above, your faces parallel as you stared at each other. your shock disappears only to be replaced by immediate frustration. you kick your legs, and fisted hands flung to his chest, anything to force him off you and let you go.

anything to get him out of your life.

your fingers slid over his wrist in a moment of panic, grazing the mark. the pain was inevitable, and it has howl stumbling back in surprise, whilst you suppressed the hurt. you scrambled backwards, slamming against the railing and lightly rubbing the branded skin - you were getting used to the sting.

forcing yourself to recover quickly, you leapt over the balcony, landing on a part of the castle that stuck out from the exterior walls. howl couldn’t get you here if he tried.

“you seriously need to reconsider this,” he breathed out, exhausted, as he learn against the railings.

“i don’t see much to reconsider.”

raising your head defiantly, you levelled your state with his, daring him to carry on, daring him to watch it all crumble beneath him.

“i know i’m usually the reckless one, but this is ridiculous.”

he reaches a hand out, aiming to grab you back down by the ends of your sleeves.

“don’t!”

you yanked your entire body back, surprising both yourself and howl with such a sudden outburst. the first trail of tears run down your wind-whipped face and shock you from your momentary haze, anger quick to return.

“howl i’m scared,” your voice cracked and your vulnerability finally shone through, “i don’t know if we can do this. i don’t want to be hurt again.”

“(y/n), just come down, we can talk it through.”

“and what good would that do? you can’t do this to me howl,” and said man watched as eyes clouded over and he realised he was losing you, “it’s only been what? _a few months_ since it happened? since you left? you can’t expect me to accept all _this_ …”you gesture between him, you and the castle, “…so easily. that’s not… that’s not fair howl.”

_a few months?_ your words has him creasing his brow and now he’s _seriously_ confused, because it had been _years_ since he had seen you, since he left you. _what the hell were you on about?_

“what?” the words left his mouth bitterly hurting you more than you expected, but in reality, he was panicked, scared, fearful for you, “is that it then? (y/n) speak to me. what is it that you want me to do?”

you stared at him, his ruffled hair, confused expression and heaving body. you dug your nails into your hand to prevent yourself from falling apart further.

“i want you to leave me alone.”

he took a step forward.

“you know i can’t do that.”

his hand reached out again; your instincts swung your foot backwards. you knew you were being stubborn, you knew you were being difficult.

your foot didn’t go down. gasping, your stomach plummeted as the whole world seemed to had slowed for just that one, brief moment. you could clearly see howl’s face meet yours, his eyes wide and shining with a flicker of fear. he propelled himself forward towards the railing, stretching an arm out with a widened palm.

you looked down, watching your foot slip under from the platform’s edge. your weight suddenly shifted, and you could clearly see the expanse of darkness above your head. you couldn’t see howl anymore.

your heart stopped. your body tensed, as if that defence mechanism would be any use to you now. in that beat of panic, you stretched your hand out, desperate to reach howl’s, desperate to grab onto anything, but it was as if the time had inconveniently resumed it’s usual pace, and you gave in under gravity’s force.

“(y/n)!”

shivers shocked your body, stiffening your arm. you were paralysed. the sudden rush of air twisted your insides, as the view of the castle and howl streaked past you, shrinking rapidly as you could do nothing but stare wide-eyed helplessly.

shock turned into fear which in turn turned into acceptance.

your body loosened under that thought. your mind emptied, becoming as void as the view around you, and oddly enough, you felt calm.

and just like that, just like it always was, it all happened again.

you were falling.


	7. starlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> severely weakened from your fall, you accept your supposed death as sulliman’s henchmen reach you again. but help comes to you in an unexpected form.
> 
> here’s the very long awaited chapter six! i’m sorry this took so long to come out, and although i have mixed feelings about how this chapter came out, i hope you like it! updates may still be inconsistent but i promise i’ll finish this story one day,,  
> -june 28 2020

they watched the blur of mass plunge into the ground, the force sending ripples echoing across the black expanse from the point of impact. their curious heads bobbed in sync to the object rebounding with its remaining momentum, setting off a reaction of ripples following the initial one. and then it stilled, slumped across the ground, presumably dead.

they recoiled when the object began to stir, the lack of light in their world making the arms and legs the object had barely distinguishable to their beady eyes. but they knew it was alive. and once they saw it’s face in the dim light, they knew it was their target.

**-+-**

you hit the ground suddenly, rolling less gracefully than you anticipated it to be. pulses of pain flared across your shoulders and torso, as your head spun with the world around you, stars of every colour flashing between your eyes. you ended up on your back, staring blankly at the shadowy stretch of sky above. you couldn’t see howl’s castle anymore; you had fallen to the bottom.

your limbs felt like weighted sacks, and you could practically feel the energy draining from you as you struggled to even sit up. shaking hands patted down your body, checking for any injuries, although you were mildly surprised when you discovered only a handful of bruises and scrapes, along with a rather needling headache - a generously mild amount of damage for such a reckless drop.

you were just thankful you hadn’t broken anything.

as the adrenaline began to fade, you realised the rather hefty weight on your side wasn’t part of your body, but instead the bag you had packed, the bag full of supplies.

your hands steadied as they pulled out a bottle of water. you twisted the cap off, downing almost the entirety of its contents and feeling the fatigue loosening from your eyes, easing the weariness and you were alert. you could hear, you could see, you could feel.

you could feel that something was wrong.

where there was once adrenaline, there was a sense of awareness, along with a tinge of panic. the warm rush you felt from the pure energy pumping around you, seeped into the cold ground, and a fraught chill stiffened your limbs. you felt the eyes of hundreds, possibly even thousands singeing into your skin, tantalisingly raising your hair and lurching your stomach upwards.

you weren’t alone.

that much was certain, but even as you searched around, eyes squinting into the seemingly endless horizon of the inky desert, you couldn’t see anything. no sign of life, nothing, except you.

you had fallen straight into their trap.

they had blended in completely with the black landscape you had been staring at, beginning to warp like tar and circling you as they slouched closer. by the time you had reacted, you were already far too late. liquid-like, lumpy arms shot out from the bodies of sulliman’s henchmen, morphing into claws that effortlessly sent your small dagger from your grip and across the ground.

as if that would’ve done much anyway.

as they closed in like vultures, mouths formed and caved into their bodies, revealing sets of pointed teeth that gnashed impatiently.

clotted arms inched closer and closer to you, wrapping around your body and constricting you like a snake. as slow as they were, they made up for their lack of speed with their strength. the strength that was crushing your arms, ribs and throat. the strength that coiled around your head, squeezing it so tightly, black spots hammered between your eyes, whilst it had felt as if you had been completely submerged underwater. simultaneously, it had felt like you had lost control of all your senses.

numb.

you were so numb.

you couldn’t hear, see or feel anything. you were neither hot or cold, neither asleep or awake, neither wanting to cry or scream, but you had your consciousness. yet, you couldn’t move, feeling like you were suspended in absolute nothingness.

perhaps you were dead.

that revelation didn’t seem to shock you as much as you had initially anticipated. if anything, you almost felt a sense of calm as you came face to face with this possibility.

in the back of your mind (or did it come from somewhere on your left? maybe your right?), someone called your name, but you didn’t want to reply; you had already begun to settle in amongst the calm around you. you nestled further into the pacifying blanket, blocking out the call, like you used to block out sulliman’s incessant scolding. the voice began to evaporate into the nothingness around you, before a new noise took it’s place, much to your annoyance.

screaming. pained, anguished, animalistic shrieks. they sounded much more closer to you than the voice did. you didn’t want to open your eyes; you were far too tired and you would rather much be left in peace.

_please just leave me alone._

even your own thoughts seemed like a distance away, as the sentence faded into the nothingness, where something else suddenly bloomed.

something comfortingly warm pooled in the centre of your stomach, and as it nudged against you, gentle spots of heat burst out across your skin. your eyes slowly pried open at such an abrupt sensation. soft hazes of colour wavered, before focusing to reveal a small, crackling ball of light snuggled in the nook in your stomach.

it was a bit like of a fire, spitting out flickers of multicoloured light. the spherical light suddenly began to hover, a blue body with arms and legs emerging beneath it. you blinked.

_a star spirit?_

you briefly recall sulliman referring to them as ‘devils’, yet it was probably no larger than the palm of your hand. you could sense the abundance of powerful energy inside it, but you didn’t feel any ill-content intentions within the little spirit. it hopped off your body, and began to leap across the ground, leaving rippes in it’s wake.

looking back at you, it paused where it was, as though it was waiting for you. it’s glowing head gave another flicker: a signal to follow, of some sorts.

not really sure on how to communicate with the star spirit, you blinked straight ahead, considering it was one of your limited forms of movement. now that you were fully awake, you felt like you were dangling midair on some invisible string, which also somehow restrained your limbs from moving at all, confining you in this constricting feral position.

however, that simple blink must’ve conveyed your silent plea, for the little star spirit neared itself closer to you and raised a hand.

a tingling sensation, no more than a soft tickle, travelled across your body, and suddenly you could feel the weight of your arms and your legs. you could feel the pump of your heart, the cold air shocking your lungs, the blood rushing warmly in your veins. you could move.

you dropped your legs beneath you, emerging from your position and stretched, feeling oddly refreshed. you glided down, until your feet met the floor which you couldn’t see, but was definitely there in this darkened world.

you looked down. the light spirit was still there in it’s original waiting spot. it gave you something you interpreted as a nod, before it continued skipping in front, guiding the way. entrusting it for some unknown reason, you reciprocated it’s path.

to where was the real question.

you followed the little figure at a brisk pace, noting the very relieving fact that sulliman’s henchmen were nowhere to be seen, when you reached a door.

nothing was particularly interesting about it; it was just a simple door standing in the centre, surrounded by desolation. the star spirit didn’t appear to be phased by this, and instead stood patiently in front of it, twisting it’s head to look back at you once again.

standing beside it, you twisted the knob, and the door swung open with an aging creak. you blinked, staring into the same familiar view of hollow void inside.

you carefully stuck in a hand, your body subliminally pulling it back. you were met with surprising warmth, a crisp contrast to the biting coldness.

when you stepped inside, a soothing voice echoed, directing itself to the star spirit, who had been your guide, standing in the doorframe and watching your back.

the voice said it before you could.

“thank you.”

inside the door, it felt like home.

**-+-**

you didn’t even realise you had passed out.

you felt as if you had woken up from a long sleep, the enticing lure of incense and candles unravelling your mind from your sleep. untangling your limbs from the duvet, you rubbed the sleep from your eyes, hit with a wave of familiarity as your vision adjusted.

blurry outlines defined themselves into sharper shapes: embellished ornaments dangling from the roof, bookshelves crammed with publications, howl lounging in the chair beside the bed, legs unfolded on the nightstand and book in hand-

_wait, what?_

completely unfazed, his eyes briefly looked up from the page he was reading. blue eyes drowned you in their chasmic depth of ocean, choking you up, paralysing your body, plugging your words up in your throat. his mouth opened, and he broke the silence you had failed to break yourself.

“welcome back.”


	8. her redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you realise how badly you’ve been treating people and you’re determined to set things straight.

“you’re leaving again tonight, aren’t you?”

his voice carried itself over the subtle crackling of a dozing calcifer’s flames, as he slid into the armchair beside you. slipping a cup of fresh tea over, you let nothing escape your lips, apart from the long breath that cooled the steaming liquid in the porcelain mug. your silence was enough confirmation for howl, as if the look in your eyes wasn’t enough to give it away.

_this was… oddly familiar_ , you thought carefully, your mind drifting to the last night that involved two chairs, tea and a fire. the night was mellow, and the lingering shame that had peaked when you had first awoken insistently clung onto your spine, heating your body up.

it was an understatement to say you were surprised when you first saw howl upon waking up. taking advantage of your shock, and after much resistance from yourself, he personally dragged you from his room and downstairs, where there sat sophie, markl, heen and the witch of the waste, evidently waiting for you.

initially nervous with how they’d react, it came as a rather pleasant shock when you were completely overwhelmed by multiple pairs of arms that pulled you into a hug, as heen happily weaved himself between your legs. although, it wasn’t long until sophie’s motherly nature kicked in and you received a scolding flick to the forehead, followed by a lecture that mentioned something regarding your own reckless nature and how even howl had never had done something as drastic as the recent stunt you had pulled.

and as the latter watched that oddly heartwarming exchange, with crossed arms and a small smile, it only further pressed on the question in his head:

why were you so desperate to leave?

maybe it was by instinct that you accepted howl’s help again - a dormant tendency now awoken, because no matter how much you tried to deny it, no matter how many grudges you held, no matter how much you tried to push howl away, there was still some part of you that wanted to be with him.

and maybe you did try to ignore that feeling. but no matter what kind of box you tried to force it in and lock away, it would always come back, clinging onto you like an incessant child, demanding for your full attention.

sulliman had warned you about howl, about how he was a traitorous savage and other insults that seemed more personally stemmed than factual; your wounded body left collapsed outside her castle certainly proved that, and for a while, you’re ashamed to admit that you had almost believed her. but what she didn’t tell you was that he was afraid.

you saw yourself what he was like that night you quit the apprenticeship in hopes of chasing after him. you saw the flicker of emotion flashing across his face, and for a moment, it was like you were staring at the real howl, and not the cold, emotionless one you had been forced to accustom to. and now that you sat down and thoroughly thought through it, you finally understood.

at the time, he was scared, he was vulnerable and he was very much afraid.

he ate hearts? that was hardly believable. to you, it seemed like his own was hurting. he never intended to hurt you from the start. and now that you were in his home, once again drinking tea beside him at some ungodly hour, it finally hit you: you had realised these things far too late.

whatever kind of deal he made, whatever he was going through back then, howl just wanted someone to help him. and after seeing you in such a similar position in which he once was, lost, scared and confused, he offered his own help from the very start. but what did you do in response?

all you did was hurt, hurting yourself and him, shoving him away, building walls between the both of you. all logical reasoning you had meant nothing because you let your emotions and grudges cloud your judgement.

it felt so long ago, the night you left, like it was nothing more than a distant fever dream, when in reality, it was only yesterday. you intended for that night to be the final goodbye, but as you sit in the same place you vowed never to step foot in again, you realise how much you don’t want to leave this house. the house where howl was truly happy.

but you couldn’t stay, no matter how much you wanted to. it was if the guilt from your very actions was eating you up from within, and you realise what you have to do.

you realise why you can’t stay.

you took a sip of tea and your heart started to hurt too.

because there was one more thing sulliman forgot to tell you about howl: that falling in love with him would hurt like a bitch.

and as if on cue, your heart gave a little jolt: a signal telling you that you were imposing on his much appreciated hospitality for too long. a sigh left your lips, and both you and howl knew your little tea session was coming to an end.

you’re perfectly aware he’s watching you with those sharp, electric eyes, as you sling your bag over your shoulder. slipping on your shoes, you give a jerk of your wrist, hearing a _click!_ as the circular dial switched from blue to black.

it’s only when you’re at the foot of the stairs, looking back at him, does he get up and follow you to the balcony.

**-+-**

howl jenkins pendragon was an intelligent man. it was a fact the man himself could admit. he was sharp, charming and witty, renowned for his extensive knowledge on the magical arts, that surpassed even the most talented of wizards. he was always one step ahead, and never backwards.

so it was to no one’s surprise when the wizard himself believed he had a general idea on your curse’s true nature, and dare say, he had an idea on how to break it. of course, it was just a suspicion for now, and so he wouldn’t speak of it just yet. there were still so many questions he needed answering.

“why don’t you let me help you?”

there’s not a shred of malice or ill-intent in his words, just genuine curiosity. there was always something about you that interested him, and even now, as you stand beside each other, arms resting against the metal railing of his balcony, he can sense that something inside of you has changed.

“it’s not that i don’t want your help,” you begin, gritting your teeth as you carefully chose your words, “it’s just… i can’t keep doing this to you.”

he gives an impartial hum, a signal for you to elaborate.

“i can’t involve you in a mess i got myself into. you have sophie and the others, and i don’t want to take you away from them,” he watches as u clamber over the railing, the tips of your shoes just shy of the awaiting abyss below.

he’s surprised with how quick you are to squash your fear, which flits across your eyes momentarily, before you steel yourself with the same speed. you turn to face him, eyes levelled and words clear.

“i’ll break the curse myself.”

he’s stunned. he had been watching you earlier, both you and him knew that, as he picked up every subtle shift in your expression. he watched every gear in your mind whir, every shift of a finger and the gleam across your eye when he noticed the exact moment something clicked inside you.

howl jenkins pendragon was an intelligent man, but with each passing second, you’re confusing his complex mind more and more.

_just what the hell were you planning?_

“both you and i know this isn’t going to work,” it’s a feeble attempt to pry you back, but howl knows when he’s beat.

“i’ll find a way,” there it is again, he notices. that determination and resolve he admired about you so much, “like i said, i’ve relied on you too much. this is my responsibility, this is how i’ll redeem myself. i’ll break the curse.”

“i see,” he says placidly, “so you’re not going to stay?”

“no.”

“even if i try talking you out of it?”

“no.”

he suppresses a laugh, instead releasing it through an amused exhale. _god, you were stubborn._

and with nothing much else to say, one foot follows another, your movements almost graceful as you plummet into the familiar darkness below, flashing howl one last look.

in your eyes, he sees hope.

and as he watches you fall once again, he knows he’ll see you very, very soon.


	9. the lighting and the thunder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you both get the closure you always wanted, but you can’t rest yet.

four days. four days pass and yet they seem to smear together ever so easily into an ever-moving blur you can’t really seem to describe in detail if you ever tried.

you’re not surprised you find yourself on howl’s balcony once again. in fact, you expected it to happen as much. except, this was the fifth consecutive time that it had happened, and with each passing second, not only did time itself chip away, but so did the confidence you had once held four days and five nights ago.

after you had fallen (this time landing in a much more controlled manner), it was inevitable you’d confront those damned henchmen once again. but it never got easier. it never did. no amount of determination could’ve given you the physical strength to ever fight them off, simply because they were far too overwhelming. you were simply a lamb to the slaughter, a mere pawn in a bigger game you had unknowingly played yourself into.

but to _those_ monsters? you were probably just another sacrifice they were eager to sink their claws into.

…which is what they _would’ve_ done, if not for the light spirit snatching you back from the veil of death every single time.

you never questioned it’s presence, or it’s peculiar loyalty to you but you had concluded from the first encounter that it was harmless. and so you put your trust into it and followed it.

and where did it lead you?

right back to that door and right back to howl.

when did it not?

he can see it in your eyes, how you truly feel. no matter what fronts you’d face him with, or the lies and empty reassurances you’d give him, he could see it all in your eyes. he can see the truth.

tonight, it seems that the truth is as simple as it is obvious, and that is, you’re exhausted. for not only does your distant gaze give it away, but so does the dark rings clinging under your eyes and the cuts and bruises littering your skin that hint towards only a fraction of what you had been, and are, going through.

you’re not completely oblivious to the truth yourself. you’re tired, both physically and mentally, only just managing to keep yourself together, because you have to. you’re holding onto every ounce of dwindling resolute, because you’re going to keep your promise, that you’re going to break the curse. even if it meant you broke yourself too along the way.

he saw himself the way you deteriorated before him as those four days progressed. and with every bandage he delicately applied, every meal he gave to you and every time he opened that door to catch your unconscious body to lay gently in his bed, he couldn’t deny that he felt his own unease simmering in the pits of his stomach.

it had been so long since he felt something so… _unsettling,_ but it was a feeling he was all too familiar with, as distant memories resurfaced and from then, he knew he was feeling guilt.

guilt for pushing you away. guilt for quitting the apprenticeship. guilt for betraying you. guilt for hurting you.

it all comes full circle.

was it really him who led you to end up like this? could he blame you for the bitter, distant front you had presented him with? and was he even a good person in the first place? he had always prided himself as someone who had changed for the greater good ever since sophie had freed him from the weight his past held, but now that weight was back, heavier, and greater of a burden than any heart could ever be.

if sophie was the thunder that had helped shape him into the man he was today, then what did that make you? the lightning that followed, striking him with the apprehension that the past had never really left him? that perhaps he had moved on far too quickly, for he had left far too many stones unturned? there were an overreaching amount of questions in his head, yet only one surfaces airily in a quiet voice.

“how are you finding your new friend?”

compared to the other unanswered doubts he had knocking around in his head, he felt this one was rather plain whilst you felt that it was rather _vague_.

his question initially has you turning to face him, brows knitted in confusion, but it’s quickly followed by a look howl can only interpret as perception. he can see the cogs turn inside your head as that mind of yours pieces everything together and…. _there_. your expression changes. you figured it out.

“that was you? you sent that star spirit?”

he shifts, cradling his head in the nook of his palm, as a low hum of validation rumbles from the base of his throat. his eyes slide over to meet yours, an inkling of a smirk forming at your utterly stunned expression.

“why?”

“why?” he repeated your question as if it were ludicrous, “you really think I’d let you do something so dangerous by yourself that easily?”

he’s amused, really, and his smile inches just that little bit wider, but it’s warmth doesn’t reach you. no, it’s instead a jolting chill that pricks like needles across your skin, dread creeping up your body and seizing you whole.

this was the last thing you ever could’ve wanted. the whole point of you leaving was so that they wouldn’t get involved, specifically so that **_he_** wouldn’t get involved, and so it’s hard to suppress the burst of irritation that cracks through your otherwise blank expression. and perhaps it’s hypocritical of yourself to call him stubborn, but you refuse to accept he’s willingly dragging himself back into the mess all too easily.

and so, you yell at him.

you know you’re fighting a losing battle, but you’re desperate, because you can’t see the reason why he’s doing this for you; not when he had sophie, markl and this life he had built for himself on the line, when you had nothing to lose.

but if howl was being honest, he wasn’t listening. your little tirade fell onto deaf ears, dissolving into the late night as an absent, muffled quietude. not out of discourtesy of course; howl was essentially the embodiment of a gentlemen, but he was a stubborn one at that. there was no changing his mind once he had it set on something, and now, he was set on protecting you.

damn, he was _seriously_ rubbing off of you.

and speaking of you, there you are, nearing him at an alarming rate with each solid step you took, as reasonings that should’ve been convincing roll off your tongue in a final rant. he’s idly wondering whether the others had woken up yet from the noise, when another thought pops into his head.

it happens so quickly.

far too quickly for the both of you to understand the gravity of it all.

it’s in one swift movement that he turns and closes the narrowing gap between you two, head dipping down so that lips met lips. with words cut short and breath stolen, your eyes slam shut from the sudden impact. you’re hyperaware of the hand that cradles the back of your head, and the other that snakes around your waist, supporting the body that would’ve otherwise collapsed under heavy, shaking legs.

he can feel you tense against him, and he’s afraid you’ll push him away, but the feeling passes all too easily as you do nothing of the sort. you melt beneath him, giving into the feelings you had suppressed until now, lips sweeping across each other in a gentle touch.

with movements slow but assured, the both of you pull away, heads sliding over so that your temples rested against each other. breathless, and with your chests rising and cheeks flushed, the two of you stay like that, acting as the calm amid the chaos.

your eyes flit open slowly, as if afraid that opening them would tear you away from this moment. what fills your vision isn’t the endless darkness, or those rabid monsters, but surrounding the both of you is an incredible blinding light, and in the centre of it all, a set of blue eyes which ground you back to reality.

“i’m sorry,” he says quietly, and although you had heard him say those words before, this time, it’s different. this time, he truly means it.

you feel your feet steady back down onto the ground, as the brilliant light around you wanes back into the surrounding darkness once more, and you almost feel… _lighter_? as if the weight you didn’t realise you had been shouldering is finally lifted.

two simple words; that’s all they are, but the force of it all comes crashing down, and you‘re aware that the both of you aren’t the same people you used to be before. you’ve faced the truth and that’s just what makes the apology that much more genuine.

actions speak louder than words. the both of you know that more than anyone else, and it’s only for the briefest moment does howl stiffen as you throw yourself into him, arms wrapped around his neck in a hug.

because before anything else, this is the man you befriended all those years ago, the one you studied with, laughed with, fought with and the one you fell in love with. and now, you can accept that.

“i won’t hurt you again. i promise.”

his words are low, but certain, almost as if he was assuring himself too. his hold on you tightens just that little bit more; it’s subtle, but neither of you want to let go.

“i know,” you say, just loud enough for howl to hear because right now, it was just you and him in this world, “me too.”

love is a double edged sword, and as your heart gives a jolt, you realise you’re no longer on the receiving side of the blade that had caused you so much pain. for once, the feverish chill of the bordering night had failed to smother the comforting warmth that kindled within you.

“so?”

brushing against the shell of your ear, his question has you smiling into the crook of his neck, and the words that follow make his own heart rise.

“i’ll stay.”

**-+-**

you’re staying.

the thought alone reassures howl into his own sleep, eyes giving into the fatigue that had pestered him for the last few nights. the book he had been reading slips from his hands, thudding to the floor and beside his chair, but he doesn’t flinch. he’s already asleep, his mind at ease with the previous thought and the image of your face finally free of any tension being the last thing he sees before his eyes finally close.

it seemed the both of you were on the verge of exhaustion without realising it, and so it was to no one’s surprise when the two of you collapsed the instant you entered his room, with you in the bed and howl in his chair.

whilst you had drifted off immediately, the latter stayed up just a little bit later, quietly observing and cataloguing every scratch, cut and bruise you had reaped.

perhaps he had made it just in time, successfully convincing you before your final breaking point, because as his eyes raked over every injury, he could see that like an old, fraying marionette splitting at the seams, you were about to splinter.

but you were staying and your word was the final thought that calmed his mind.

**-+-**

it’s quiet, but it stirs you from your sleep nonetheless: a subtle, relentless scratching, like nails against wood. it slithers amongst the night’s silence and falls upon ingenuous ears that has tired eyes peeling open, though tentatively.

as it persists for the next few following minutes, it seems that curiosity gets the better of you, as you silently slip out of the bed and out room with ease, feet bare against the floorboards.

you descend down the stairs, palm rubbing against weary eyes, as you use calcifer’s light to guide yourself down, his glow smothering the walls in a gentle haze.

you’re careful not to wake the dozing flame himself as you tread your way towards the front door, which you had ultimately pinpointed as the source of the noise. a hand hovers over the doorknob, hesitation holding you back from opening it completely.

had markl let heen out and had forgotten to let him back in?

you roll your eyes, grinning gently at the younger boy’s naive heedlessness, as you gripped the cool metal of the handle, ready to pull it open.

the contact alone is enough to make you freeze; your hesitation was justified, and that ugly feeling comes to a boil as you notice the door was switched onto black.

you switch the dial beneath it to green, your back beginning to turn with a final glance, when a clear-cut click rattled behind you. _black_. it turned itself back to black.

your stomach plummets.

turmoil is brewing. you can feel it.

and it comes in the form of the tar-like arm that forces it’s way through the slit under the door.

a clawed hand blossoms at the end of it, and that’s all the warning you get, before it snatches your ankle and it’s with a brutish yank that you’re sent downwards.

your head slams against the ground with an ugly _crack!_ , the impact sending your mind spinning. you’re disorientated, unguarded, but your instincts has you latching onto a nearby table leg before it could drag you away any further.

the rest of it’s body squeezes itself past the door in a viscous sludge, your throat wrung tight, as it reformed itself into the monster that has you realise the severity of your reality.

_they’re here. they found the castle._

the sense of security you had shatters before your very eyes, and the consequence of it all hits harder than before. the life howl had built, the home he lived in, the family he had, it was all going to collapse and crumble in this very moment.

_all because of you._

you swipe a palm over the tentacle-like arm, the grip on your ankle instantly slackened, as the arm’s sliced cleanly in half with your magic.

the monster dives towards you with a rattled shriek, it’s other, perfectly functional, arm swung back ready to swipe again, but you work with the momentum, throwing it over and behind you into the opposite wall.

the room itself trembles from the sheer force itself, contents on shelves and table clattering to the ground in a harsh ensemble. you pick yourself up quickly.

the commotion has the unsuspecting fire jolt awake from his own rest, narrowly missing the book hurtling towards him, with his complaints balancing on the tip of his fiery tongue.

you’ve no time to flinch at the noise, before the creature lunges for you again, pushing itself off the wall with its hind legs, and you intend to use the same technique as before to fight it off.

as one hand flicks behind you, unlocking the door and swinging it open with your magic in one fluid motion, the other latches onto the monster’s incoming wrist and swings it around, flinging it out the door and into the darkness.

the feeling of relief is all too cruely plucked from your grasp however, as the monster seizes the front of your shirt, bundling it in it’s fist and wrenching you out with it.

the fight never ended after all.

**-+-**

noise is what drags howl out of his distant rest.

what started off as something he shrugged off as part of his dream festered into reality, as he picks himself up from his sleeping position against the desk.

already, he can feel that something is off by intuition alone.

he blinks, and blinks again, eyes adjusting to the darkness each time, bleary shadows sharpening into forms that sends his heart sinking.

gone. you’re gone.

the bedsheets are swaddled in a hasty pile on top, and if that wasn’t enough to rationalise the unease that was bubbling, then the crash rattling the silence of the night certainly was.

he’s out of his room before he can even comprehend it, movements laced with panic and only faltering at the sudden appearance of sophie and markl.

standing at the top of the stairs, they’re leaning forward and engrossed in every detail the panicked fire from below was explaining, faces hardening into expressions of concern at both calcifer’s words and the obvious, ruined state of downstairs.

they too had be lured out by the clamour, but they hadn’t anticipated for it to be as worrying as it was.

both of their names are called out from behind them, face lighting up with relief as howl rapidly approached them.

“what’s happening?” he asks, unable to hide the worry in his usually collected tone, “where is she?”

the pair say nothing and instead exchange apprehensive looks, before moving back to let the wizard see the damage for himself. they’re unsure of whether to speak, the air **_rife_** with tension, as his eyes study the mess you had left behind; the overturned table, the hanging shelves, the scattered objects. clear signs of a struggle.

his stare inevitably settles on the flame who was anxiously anticipating his response.

“she went after them, didn’t she?”

calcifer doesn’t respond immediately, stumbling over his own words at the sudden regard howl was giving him. it was rare to see him so… _desperate_ , the last time he had shown this much concern being when he had endangered his own life for sophie. and it seemed he was going to do that again.

“wait!” the fire yelps, flickering frantically, “you aren’t going out there, right?”

it stalls howl for just a moment, his head cocked to the side, silently telling him to elaborate. three sets of staring eyes force him to do just that.

“i mean it’s dangerous out there!” calcifer began, ignoring the sarcastic _‘really?’_ sophie had chipped in, “but she’s faced them before right? she’ll be fine! i’m sure she has it under control and we can all just go back to sle-“

he’s promptly silenced by the glare sophie shoots him as she subtlety gestured to the sorcerer, who had slipped into an odd quiet up to this point. resting against the banister, he couldn’t help but make the others wonder, was he even listening to what calcifer was saying? with clouded over eyes and a suffocating silence surrounding him, his hand glides over to his right wrist with inborn tendency. he freezes, breathing hitched. eyes widen as fingers skim not over branded skin, but over a smooth, unblemished layer.

the mark was gone, the curse was broken.

_but when?_

he hadn’t even noticed. more thoughts, more theories knock around in his head before ultimately concluding to one answer: the balcony.

the bright light the two of you saw wasn’t just something he, nor you, was imagining in the moment. of course before, he was certain he knew the conditions required to break the curse, but he was now left with more unanswered questions than he wanted answered.

he hasn’t any time to dwell on anymore haphazard notions, as the castle gave another tremble, the root of it all coming from above their heads on the roof. with narrowed eyes and a growing impatience, he turns to sophie and markl.

“the other two are in their room, right?” he asks, voice low as he referred to heen and the witch of the waste. sophie nods, “take yourself and markl and lock yourself in that room with them. don’t open the door or window unless you’re certain it’s me or (y/n). the protection charms don’t seem to be working anymore, so i trust you’ll be able to keep yourself safe.”

he begins to move, intending to make his way up to you when he feels something tug the ends of his sleeve. glancing over his shoulder, he’s surprised to find markl looking up at him, concern etched in a face that was usually so untroubled and so carefree.

“but what will you do?”

the sorcerer lightly tugs his sleeve out his grasp, turning around so his back faced the boy.

“to go and finally settle things once and for all.”

“then let me come with you.”

something in his words has howl snapping around entirely. when had the boy who he had taken under his wing as an apprentice grown up so quickly? perhaps he was so absorbed in his own lies that he had changed, that he was blindsided to the one person who had developed so much to an extent howl could be proud of; that person being markl.

he was young, skilled and full of potential, his eyes a gateway into a mind filled with ambitions and dreams. to let the apprentice join him would mean risking losing those same dreams and talent in an instant. no doubt it was dangerous; those monsters wouldn’t hesitate to rip apart a boy such as him, and the guilt of losing him would hurt far more.

“no. i can’t let you.”

it’s firm, quick and straight to the point. markl’s face drops instantly, any protests he had being swiftly cut off by the wizard presented in front of him.

“it’s far too dangerous as it is. yes, you’re skilled and that’s why i want you in the room with sophie and the others in case anything happens. (y/n)’s not the only thing important to me, you know.”

giving markl an encouraging tousle of the hair, he sends the both of them one last grin, giving them a gentle shove up the stairs.

as the door to the room closes, he flies up the remaining steps with ease, throwing himself out onto the balcony and against the railing.

cold. it was _so cold._

the raw chill of the shadow realm bit back sharper than before, evoking goosebumps to form across his arms. turbulent currents of violent wind blew from every direction, lashing so bitterly against his face like a scourging whip it had him leaning against the railing for support.

he knew it was bad, but not _this_ bad.

he’s unaware of the morbid creature diving at him from the side, reacting a beat too late that all he can do is watch in a moment of spiking horror as it dangerously flashed it’s fangs towards him.

panic twists his insides, arms raised in front of his face as a final, hasty defence, but none of that matters when a streak of light tears through his line of vision, striking the creature and sending it flying down into the void.

_magic_.

startled, his head snaps up, the alarm and terror he felt twisting into a surge of pride at the sight of markl leaning out one of the windows with sophie’s arms wrapped securely around his middle so he didn’t fall out. with one of his hands raised, it’s easy to form the simple deduction: markl saved him.

_god, how he loved that kid._

both seem to be stunned at the boy’s sudden act of courage, but their pure, yet shortlived exchange flits away as their attention is forced to the ever-growing threat overhead.

the henchmen swoop across the black belt of sky above and head towards the castle’s roof to swarm around something.

another burst of light, one of a much larger scale, erupts and like an explosion, tens of hundreds of the monsters are blown away from the centre of where the light initially ignited.

a wave of heat crashes over the three onlooking figures, forcing them to pull their heads down low with squeezed-shut eyes. howl’s the first to raise his stare and in the midst of it all, he sees it.

he sees you.


	10. a broken heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the end is nearing. you just need to do one last thing.
> 
> i rlly wanted to write a proper, genuine fight scene considering this might be the last chapter before the epilogue if all goes to plan. i genuinely can’t believe it’s been 4 months since i first started writing this, but I hope you all enjoy it anyway! :)  
> \- august 11 2020

seconds feel like hours which stretch into forever.

limbs are like lead, numb to the point where there’s pain, chest burning with each gulp of air you force down. you’re reaping what you had sowed, as every spell and fighting tactic you had practiced to perfection being your best and only defence in this overwhelming conflict.

and you’re _praying_ this’ll be the last one.

the fight is relentless, wave after wave of violence crashing down one after another. the monsters circle above your head like vultures, before diving down and swiping a talon at you, their nature as merciless and savage as it had ever been. your blades are dulled but your belligerence never wavers, yet there’s only so much one person can do on backbone alone before they ultimately stop to crumble and fall.

you know that you’re reaching your very limit. your existing injuries don’t help either. you can feel it, fatigue and pain forcing movements to falter in a hasty second of debility. but it’s that second that costs you everything when one of the monsters swoops in from behind, sending you tumbling down the side of the castle’s exterior.

you’re quick to catch yourself luckily. a hand seizes a rusted pipe that ran horizontally across the side of the wall, keeping you from falling below. your stomach lurches and you swear your heart is in your throat, beating erratically at your minute of exhaustion. fingers wrapped tightly around metal are the only thing keeping you barely balanced on the finest thread-thin line between life and death.

but they’re straining to hold yourself up and you can feel yourself slipping regardless of your effort. you don’t have your strength you used to wear with pride anymore nor a simple hand up to keep you going, to keep you alive. you have nothing, and so it’s inevitable really, how you can’t help but think, _is it this it? is this how it all ends?_ you had survived the drop before, but in your current state, even you had to admit that your luck with avoiding death was ebbing away. maybe the day had finally come where you had to compensate for those few extra days in which you were spared to live for just a little bit longer. but you didn’t want that day to come, not when you were so close to something you could call happiness, and you’d be damned if you died right here, right now without a last proper fight.

you swing your other arm up, feeling the muscle burn as you grasped the pipe and attempted to heave yourself up. but it’s clear that the oxidised metal is far too weak to support your body forcing it’s entire weight onto it. you realise this far too late once the screws split, the pipe snaps and you’re falling.

 _falling_.

when were you not? it’s not exactly a foreign concept to you, and maybe somewhere deep inside you knew it was coming, but this time it’s different, because there’s nothing to grab onto, there’s nothing to save you and there’s nothing you can do about it.

something locks between the fingers of your outstretched hand, another fisting the fabric of your sleeve tightly to secure you. you breath catches in your throat in a ragged gasp at the abrupt rebound, eyes snap open and all you can do is gape at howl’s sudden appearance, along with the surprising amount of upper body strength he seemingly possessed.

_maybe not._

“you’re awake,” is all you can say, wide-eyed and breathless. and for just a bit, you’re focused at the pair of blue eyes that flash with horror, fear and relief all at once. and amidst all that, he still finds it in him to give a small smile.

“well, you weren’t exactly subtle with the mess you left behind.”

optimising on your shock, he hoists you back up securely into the castle roof. the mere thought of newfound safety force your legs to give way under you, which has howl hooking his arms under yours to brace you up. he pulls you close to him, your head resting near enough against his chest that he can feel your breathing steady and fan under his shirt and across his skin.

“that was close,” you can feel his voice rumble softly in his torso, words said so hushed and gentle that perhaps it was said to comfort himself, and not just you. you shift under the hug of his arms, bringing your head to rest against his shoulder to shakily hug him back.

something stirs behind him, and you knew it was foolish for the both of you to let your guards down. not even a peaceful moment such as this could be savoured, and the realisation serves as a reminder as to what you have to do. _alone_.

“you shouldn’t be here.”

it’s the only warning that he has to prepare himself, before you’re gripping at his sides and roughly shoving him away. a speeding strip of black, viscous mass shoots across where your bodies once stood, the monster sent skittering across the surface. it recovers quickly with a simple shake of it’s ugly head, teeth flashed with a cat-like hiss seeping through as a forewarning.

you’re on your feet quicker than howl, rushing towards the creature without a second thought. you catch it mid-leap with a hand, fingers squeezing around it’s pudgy neck, as the other is raised with a dagger and swiftly brought down. it’s body arches down to the ground, crumpling in on itself from the slice across it’s stomach.

it lays there motionless, unmoving. dead.

he watches this all a fair distance away, something he can’t exactly place as shock anchoring him to where he sat. it’s only when the entire scene repeats itself again, with another of the monsters springing towards you, that he finally pulls himself up. he has every intention to intervene, slim legs ready to stretch into a run and your name ready to be yelled-

the blade’s thrown beside his foot with such accuracy and force that it’s lodged into the metal which has him freezing completely. his head jerks up, bewildered by the way you’re shaking your head with eyes flashing with something he can’t pinpoint, oh, and also how you almost stabbed his foot.

he’s confused, mouth opening to question you but he hasn’t the time. not when you finish off the monster squirming in your grasp and make your way to him with solid strides and an unreadable expression that have him rather taken aback.

“you shouldn’t be here,” you repeat, standing in front of him and he doesn’t like this sudden shift again, “why are you here?”

“i’m helping you whether you like it or not. i’m not letting you do this alone, not again.”

“and if you get hurt?” you step back, barely missing the henchmen that flew towards you, down the castle’s side and down below. “if the others get hurt? howl, i’ve already put you all at risk and i can’t put you through it again all because of me,” and all of a sudden you can’t seem to find it in you to face him, “let me handle it. i’ve done it before, i’ll be fine.”

he doesn’t move when you turn your back to face the very chaos you intended to deal with yourself. he doesn’t move, react or utter a protest. it’s peculiar of him to be so calm, his voice hardly wavering as he spoke, and there’s a sense of certainty beneath it all.

“if you carry on like this, it’ll never end.”

it’s enough to have you stop, your retreating form stilling because you know it’s true. would you ever admit that out loud though? of course not, so instead you slowly shift round as he pressed on, “nothing will change. everything’ll only repeat itself if you do it alone and both you and i know that. let me help you. you’ll only end up hurting yourself more if you don’t.”

you stare at each other for a few, solid seconds, you chest rising and falling as you considered his words. all he can focus on is how you’ve already torn the bandages neatly wrapped around arms, along with the freshly gained cuts he’d have to tend to later on. even you can’t ignore it, not when your skin stings with each new gash.

“alright then,” you make your decision, clipping around with your back pressed against his. with a flick of your wrist, your dagger’s summoned back into your grip, “three to your left,” and you have the nerve to give him a tiny nudge along with the faintest of smirks, “unless you‘re already tired?”

“have a little faith in me starlight. i’m not entirely useless.”

you cock your head with an amused huff and that’s all he needs before the two of you kick off your heels in your respective directions.

two of the first incoming henchmen fall without much of a fight, allowing you a minute to catch your breath before another wave of them hits. feet brace themselves as you face the swarm of them head on, muscle memory activated in a way that has your face hardening with concentration, blade cleanly slicing and magic summoned. they too fall to the ground.

the three howl had been assigned to meet a similar demise to your own. it had certainly been a while since he had utilised his magic for something like this, but it brought on an all-too familiar feeling of determination of wanting to protect something that meant so much to him. once their bodies drop, he’s quick to twist to look at you, impressed at the sheer numbers you had taken on and succeeded against, but his short-lived pride quickly morphs into your equally-matched confusion at what follows.

the next horde of creatures shoot down your direction as expected, but what you don’t anticipate is how they merely swoop by, targeting something that was for once, neither you or howl.

were they ignoring you?

 _no_ , howl thinks, clenching his teeth as he ducked his head behind a raised arm. he always thought of the henchmen as mindless servants that curtly served to kill, but as he watches them crowd themselves into a squirming ball above your heads, he realises how thoughtless it was to undermine their intelligence. he pieces together the monster’s plan himself, flinging his entire body up on his feet quicker than ever.

you feel him crash into you before you can even see him coming. in an entanglement of bodies and limbs, he’s shoved the both of you behind one of the piped chimneys, bodies curling in on itself when the scene flushes with heat and light as the shadowed monsters overhead seem to be… _fusing_?

clumped, black bodies sludge into one another midair, twisting into legs that stretch into a stocky, yet lanky build. a faceless head bursts between the shoulders, along with slender arms that flex it’s razored claws. you have no other choice but to watch in horror as it continues to tower into a staggering height, perhaps one tall enough to rival the castle itself.

with a newly formed body, it drops onto the roof of the castle, it’s sheer size and strength felt through the rumbling vibrations beneath your palms.

this was beyond anything you had ever seen. even young, naive you in the past were briefly aware of the abnormalities you’d face not only as an apprentice, but as a fully fledged sorceress, yet nothing compared to _this_. you thought the monsters were the worst you had the misfortune of dealing with, but _this_? this was a demon.

hesitation will cost you, and you almost see that come into practice yourself as the monster swings it’s arm back, sending it flying down to where you were hiding. you’re half-aware of howl latching the back of collar, using it as leverage to yank you back behind another of the spires. and just in time, as the hand comes crashing down, reducing your previous hiding spot to a fine rubble and sending another shockwave of tremors beneath your booted feet. you have to admit, calcifer was doing a decent job in keeping the castle upright.

there’s a ladder that runs down one of the walls of the tower, leading up to it’s very peak. howl’s the first to lead, followed by you just below him, and the two of you scale the side of the wall rung by rung, just shy of the demon’s view.

“this isn’t good,” howl’s voice is grave, face stiff with visible worry, “it’ll tear this entire castle apart whilst it tries to find us.”

“you’ve got a plan?” a hand is offered once you reach the top, helping you clamber onto the tower’s slated roof where you crouched down, ears attentive to every detail of howl’s hurriedly formed plan.

“we’ll fight it here. the tower’s just level with where it’s shoulders are, so when the moment presents itself, aim for it’s eyes and i’ll get it’s arms. if we do that, it should be easy enough to get it to lose it’s balance and it’ll fall down to wherever the drop leads to. it shouldn’t be able to reach us from there.”

“that’s a pretty big ‘if’ we’re gambling on to work. it’s risky.”

“then it’s one i’m willing to gamble.”

nerves are squashed and blades are brandished as you emerge from your hiding place, setting off the start of the plan. the demon’s head immediately snaps to you, and you force yourself to still, even when empty sockets for eyes are fixed on you, and it’s arm is thrown back in a curve, ready to strike again.

it’s swinging towards you at an alarming rate, snatching the sides of surrounding steeples and sending the brickwork tumbling down. even so, you suppress even the most impatient twitch in your arm, because your timing was what determined the plan’s success.

_not yet._

just as it’s hand catches the edge of the roof, you make your move. pushing off the soles of your feet, you leap onto the thick, incoming arm. it provides a stable enough of a surface to run across, allowing you to build the momentum necessary, which you release as you jump from just below it’s shoulder socket and into it’s face.

daggers in both hands plunge ruthlessly into it’s dark, hollow eyes, evoking a garbled shriek from the visually robbed demon. dangling in front of it’s face from the blades alone, you twist your neck around, yelling over the wails.

“howl! the arms!”

he makes quick work of them, and in one, smooth movement, he has the creature’s arms cleanly sliced with magic alone, which fall over the castle’s side. there’s no mercy in your actions as you kick off the monster’s face, taking your daggers with you, as you land on a nearby rooftop and reconvene with howl.

“well? how was that?”

you watch with baited breath as the monster staggers under the loss of it’s limbs and sight, eventually losing it’s footing. it tumbles into a spire opposite from where you and howl stood, and for a moment, you believe it to be dead.

but of course, it’s torso gives a jerk, relief evaporating just like that and mood further souring as you notice, as if it wasn’t annoying enough, that it could heal.

smoke drifts from it’s eyes in ghostly wisps, arms slowly starting to grow back as black sludge squirm over the wounded area to regenerate.

“guess we lost the gamble after all,” you mutter, not exactly sure if you were talking to yourself or howl. you know he’s thinking something along the same lines, from the way his jaw clenches and eyes scope the creature’s form for another weakness to exploit.

but yours catches something his don’t.

it just to the left of it’s upper chest, a discoloured lump that sits amidst it’s black, sludge-like body. it beats in systematic thumps, seemingly keeping this thing alive with every pumping beat, almost like… _a heart._

you enact on this discovery instantly, leaving howl’s side without a word which has him uselessly calling after you to “ _come back!_ ”. you do nothing of the sort, instead continuing to ascend, clambering over the roofs of the castle’s extensions, before reaching one which, much like the first tower, was at the perfect level.

and in the time it had taken you to do this, it seemed the demon was half-way done with regenerating, eyesight fully recovered and arms steadily sprouting out from it’s original stumps. there’s no hesitation in how a dagger is thrown at it’s head, wedging itself nicely in the thick flesh and drawing it’s attention back to you with an aggravated screech. one dagger; that’s all you had left.

it lurches onto lean legs, swaying towards you, but there’s no need for him to intervene. howl soon grasps this, for he watches how you pace yourself a few steps back, breaking into a run once the monster nears you enough. kicking off the edge of the roof, you jump once again, eyes set and aiming for it’s pumping heart, hands gripping the handle that drive the knife right into the centre of it all.

you force everything you have in yourself to offer in this one blow: blade, magic, anger, sadness, desperation, which has the entire world around you stilling in a breath-holding minute. once again, your hold on the dagger’s what’s keeping you from falling what would’ve otherwise been a painful drop. you’re gasping for air, eyes rooted to where the blade had embedded itself, and even from where he’s standing from below, howl notices the series of cracks that begin to split out from across the stab wound.

and before either of you can even blink, the cracks have broken out across the entire expanse of the demon’s body. between the hollow crevices in splintered skin, a striking light shines out, flooding the scene with it’s glare.

a long, raucous screech rings out somewhere between your ears, and you’re briefly aware of the tension released on your blade and grip. the monster’s entire body crumbles below into a dusted heap, the ashy remnants of itself billowing in on itself in a cloud, before ultimately settling on the castle’s roof. and then, silence.

_was it… **over?**_

you lay among the powdery remains, unconscious, but alive, which howl personally confirms himself once he rushes over and hovers an ear above your mouth. your shallow breath tickles the rim of his ear, before his hands carefully, yet firmly, shake your shoulders to pull you from your black out.

the reaction he gets a few moments later is a sharp inhale, your rising chest catching with your breath, as you begin to stir underneath him, with resting eyes lightly sliding open.

“howl?” you blink. black hair. blue eyes. his face comes into vision, your voice stronger than before, “howl? you’re okay!”

you suddenly jolt up, surprising both him and yourself, as arms are thrown around his neck and pulling him in close to you. you wince slightly under the the sore thrum of muscles tensing, which was a result of all your fatigue finally catching up.

and it isn’t long before the memories of the recent events still fresh in your mind flash between your eyes, and your hold on him tightens just that little bit more.

“is it over?” you ask somewhat timidly, voice quiet and hoping like a young childs, “are they gone?”

“they’re gone,” he says, a hand resting comfortably against the back of your head. your heart threatens to vault straight out of your chest right there and then, because, “the curse is broken, (y/n), you’re free.”

one of your hands drifts down to find his, shifting your head to watch as your thumb brushes over his right wrist. where skin was once branded, now sits a fresh, smooth layer of clear, unmarked skin. you feel his own hand grazing the side of your neck, doing the same as the truth of it all settles deep inside you like a warming fire.

_you’re free._

but as much as you’d love to take a much needed nap, let alone celebrate your liberation from the curse, you know there’s just one more thing left to do.

“i need to go,” at this point it’s like a tired joke now overrun, and maybe that’s partly why you can’t help but laugh softly after saying it. the other factor being the look of absolute disbelief that takes over howl’s entire face, rendering him speechless as you quickly send him your reassurances.

“one more time,” fingers slip from his own, as you brush off your clothes and pick yourself up, “that’s all i need and then i’ll come back. you can trust me on this, i promise.”

it’s with half-hesitant steps and an awkward smile that you circle round slowly to no longer face him, feet scraping against the floor, as you begin to walk away. he’s left sitting there, utterly stunned and downright _scared_ , because you offered no explanation at all and were walking away just like that.

_what just happened?_

“woah, woah, wait!” he’s back on his feet, quick to tail your own, “what are y-“

he doesn’t even realise you had turned around once more, not until you had perfectly slot your lips into his own. you hold you grip on him for a good few seconds, releasing him with with a flushed exhale. you’re rather amused at the clueless look pinching his expression, but you give a small smile as his face shifts and cogs turn in his mind. you trusted his intelligence well enough for him to work it out.

“one more time.”

that’s all you say, but he understands everything completely.

time.

that’s all it was.

and he’d give you as much time as you needed.


	11. her promise, his patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you kept your promise. things are anew.
> 
> this is it! this is the last chapter of the story. thank you to everyone who’s read the story and is reading it right now and for all the support given up to this point <3 hope you all enjoyed it!  
> -august 16 2020

hands are up in surrender, hair ruffled and body tired as you drag yourself across the belt of black and shadow with heavy steps. you should be shaking under the tension that pressed down from every angle but weirdly enough, you don’t buckle under it how you usually would. you’re not scared.

it’s strange how the fear you once held for this place could quickly tide over into something you could only describe as an odd state of calm. you raise your hands a little higher, emphasising your lack of weapon, before choosing to still completely in the middle of the darkness where you stood as the centre point, the focus, the spotlight.

“well? where is he?”

sulliman’s voice booms from every direction, echoed from the trembles that her voice sends right into the ground and through your very feet. you can’t exactly _see_ her, but you know she’s watching you attentively; no doubt with icy, narrowed eyes and a tugging sneer on thin lips. and so, it’s with an air of confidence that you repress the shivers raking up your back. you tilt your head back with a smug incline, the start of a cattish smirk beginning to form and the words that follow are clearer than ever.

“in the future. he’s in the future.”

**-+-**

it was weird how in the few days since you had left, every trace of your existence seemed to had erased itself from within the moving castle. the sheets in your room had been neatly folded, anticipating your return like the everyone else was. the living room was now back in it’s usual state: clean, quaint and organised and if any of them were none the wiser, nobody would’ve known that a rather intense dispute had taken place there not too long ago.

but everyone knew, and it seemed that howl was the one who was the most restless out of all them.

“i’m going to need you to repeat that, and _slower_ this time.”

the morning sun lightly wanes over the harbour of porthaven, shining through the window and onto the weary fire sat in the hearth. it was far too early, yet the wizard of the household was wide awake and the last thing calcifer needed at such untimely hours was a long, complicated discussion about curses and magic that was out of even his understanding. but it seems he has very little options, because howl gave him one anyway.

“she’s from the past, or my past to be exact,” he began, slipping into a chair opposite the fire with legs outstretched on the stone and hands cupped around a steaming mug, “the place she was cursed to in that time loop, that ‘shadow dimension’, acted like a sort of gateway that let her ‘time-travel’ to her future. her future is my current present, whilst her present that she’s from is my past.”

_it had only been what? **a few months** since it happened? _

your words from before hover in his mind, and now that he had all the pieces, he could click them all together. it was true howl hadn’t seen you in years since your botched attempt to escape, but now that he considered it, whilst you were entangled in your time loop, those few years for howl must’ve passed like mere months for you. it all made sense.

“what does this have to do with the curse breaking though?”

another sip. another thoughtful look.

“part of the nature of her curse was that she still had grudges against me and what i’d done before in the past. when she stayed in the castle, i knew she didn’t want to be here because of those grudges. essentially, she stayed here against her own free will.”

“what was different that night though?” calcifer questioned, mildly surprised at the quick, definite answers he was recieiving, “how did it break?”

“in order for the curse to break, she needed to accept what had happened in the past and move on. on the balcony that night, she told me herself that she’d stay. at that moment, she _chose_ to stay in the castle herself, with her own free will. those were the conditions she needed to meet, and she met them.”

he gives a shrug as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, tilting back on his chair and staring up at the ceiling.

“that’s why you didn’t stop her leaving on those previous nights? you were waiting for her to work it out and decide for herself?”

“exactly,” the two front legs of his chair come swinging down, “i was already having my own suspicions about her curse. i was just testing out one of my theories. and i was right.”

“but wait, you were branded with the curse mark too. what was that all about?”

something like a scowl pinches howl’s expression. although he had accepted his past actions, admitting his mistakes was something he _heavily_ disliked.

“I don’t think it’s a coincidence that i was dragged into the curse with her. after all, i had been the one to cause her all that pain and i was the reason sulliman was so desperate to pursue her. the curse didn’t just break because of (y/n)’s acceptance of the past; i, myself, had to face the harm I had caused in the past head on. once we both could acknowledge our past and our mistakes, we were free.”

“and the monsters?” calcifer suppresses a shudder, “how’d _they_ managed to get here?”

“because the curse broke. once the curse was gone, those monsters weren’t binded to sulliman anymore, and could act on their own accord. the protection charms i put up were _specifically_ for sulliman, not the monsters. that’s why they could reach her here.”

a sniff of indigination huffs past calcifer’s lips, as flamed arms cross over each other in a disapproving manner.

“you two are as bad as each other, always getting into things you shouldn’t have. i woke up to a book flung towards me and the entire room damaged because of her!”

a poorly-hidden snort sounds behind howl, infuriating the little inferno even more. sophie walks through the front door, closely followed by markl with baskets of harvest in their hands, having heard the tail end of yet another one of calcifer’s grumbles.

“oh, stop being so dramatic. you’ve had a whole bucket of water thrown onto you before. you’ll live.”

and as if nothing had happened, she turned to howl, exchanging light pleasantries that heavily contrasted the exasperated remark she _just_ threw the fire’s way. leaving the baskets on the table with markl in tow, she left for up the stairs.

“how do you know all this is true anyway?” calcifer groused, beady eyes trailing the pair’s form disappearing before focusing on howl, “i thought all you had were theories?”

the wizard instantly stiffens.

 _ah_ , howl thinks awkwardly, shifting in his seat, _about that-_

he didn’t really know how to describe it, or where to start on the subject at that matter. it was weird how he did know, only half-aware that he had his little revelation where he discovered his suspicions were right, when you had given him your final, (and rather _interesting_ ) parting gift that night on the castle’s roof.

 _a kiss_ , of all things.

when lip met lip, something akin to a spark shuddered throughout his body, memories that weren’t exactly his flashing between his vision. he certainly wasn’t able to sleep that night, not when he had so much to wrap his mind around. and now that he was under the close, scrutinising glare of the fire in front of him, he was hoping he hadn’t just seen right through him.

“i dont like that smile on your face,” calcifer begins, scowling at howl skeptically, “don’t tell me you two-“

he’s interrupted before he can say anything more, the tea in howl’s cup pouring freely into the fireplace. steam billows from where liquid met hot embers, which calcifer swats away in a flurry of panic. rising to his feet with hands in pockets, the wizard surveys the fire, something like the beginnings of a smug smirk forming on his expression.

and that’s all he gives the suspecting flame, before he turns and moves to eagerly retreat up the same set of stairs sophie and markl did. there was no way he’d ever let calcifer make him openly admit that the both of you ki-

“it’s been a few days since she left,” calcifer blows out as an afterthought, patting the surrounding stone dry, “for all you know, she could be out causing more trouble to drag you both into. aren’t you worried?”

it was evident that howl always had some lingering concern for you; concern which calcifer noted he hadn’t had for somebody in a while, so he had at least expected his former master to react in some way at his words. but howl does none of the sort. instead, he simply turns around to view the fire with an expression that leaves him stunned.

“why should i be?” the wizard asks, “she’ll be back.”

**-+-**

_**two weeks later** _

a sharp rap was clear throughout the entire house, slicing through the minimal sound of the bustling marketplace outside. the wizard’s head lifts towards the wooden door, looking up from his book and to the loyal fire sitting in his bed of wood.

“it’s from the castle grounds in kingsbury,” the flame says, unbothered, “red dial.”

 _the castle grounds?_ that was unusual. _a customer perhaps?_ he hardly had any clients reach out from the castle grounds, let alone kingsbury at that, but in the occasional instance that he did, he was paid plenty for his services.

getting up from his seat, he moves past calcifer and down the small flight of stairs leading to the door. and as the fire had instructed, the knob is twisted to the shade of red, and followed by a _click!_ , the door swings open.

he catches the tiniest glimpse, but that’s all he gets before something slams right into him, knocking the air right from his lungs. he stumbles, but doesn’t fall, eyes widening when something warm and plush press against his lips and hands cup the back of his neck.

“i’m home.”

_he knows that voice._

he jerks away, utterly dumbstruck, because _you_ were here, _you_ were back and _you_ were _home_. hair falls lightly, framing a flushed, grinning face that was rather out of breath, but from what he could see, otherwise in good health. blinking, he seems to have fully processed your sudden return, drawing you tightly back into him chest to chest with a heart so full, that he was almost afraid it would leap out right there and then. glancing over your shoulder, he spies sulliman herself standing a fair distance away who he exchanges a curt, understanding nod with.

and with you in his arms he knows that it all worked out. things are anew. it’s okay, you’ll all be okay. he smiles into your neck.

“that’s my girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that’s pretty much it! i know the whole backstory, and time-loop curse thing is pretty confusing, so if you want, i can try and explain and answer any questions you have the best I can. to be honest, planning this plot hurt my brain a hell of a lot too, but I’m pretty proud of it!  
> thank you to everyone who’s reading this and enjoyed the story! all of you who read and commented and left your kudos and bookmarks are all appreciated and it makes me happy all of you enjoy what I write!  
> thank you all once again and stay safe! ily all ;)
> 
> \- rain


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